study of the heart

the anatomy of the heart,
is the size of one our fist.
the physiology of the heart,
is the feeling that lies within it.
i'm sure,
people must be wondering,
what in the world is anatomy?
what in the world is physiology?
but i don't care.
what i'm trying to say,
think before you say/do
and so,
you won't hurt people's heart.
everybody has their own heart.
but it's how they feel it.
as to me,
i'm super-down-to-the-core
with the actions that you made.
with the words that you said.
with the promise that you hold.
and i doubt,
everybody can hold promise,
even myself.

take things for granted,
and god will not give as much heaven's grace as before.
just take things as they come.
be appreciative.
not unappreciative.
i may not know what you think or feel inside your heart.
but god do.
god gracious.
no god,
no us.
how can we be alive
if there's no existance of god?
i wonder,
can i be a guy,
if i have no dick?

its better to left unsaid.

SHAFIQ!
fuck your brains will you!
just stop!
stop all your fucking emotional feelings can?
why don't you fuck yourself?
fuck you!
fuck!
what's wrong with you?
why can't you just go straight?
instead,
you stay at the same spot.
there's no use no more.
you useless piece of pig shit!
what will make you move on?
fuck your own mother?
fuck your own sister?
if no,
then what?
what's so hard?
why can't you just lead your own life?
and be happy like others?
gosh!
you are one stone-metal-titanium-pathetic-ridiculous-moron!
just fuck off from that spot and go!
find the next spot!
there's better spot than that.
i know it's hard for you to move on.
but you have to,
you prick!
i swear,
i'll ask your friends to slap you like there's no tmrw
if you don't make any improvement you shit-head!

there are two types of people.
one observe.
one entertain.

those who entertain,
more talk,
more gossip,
more fight,
but not in relationship.

on the other hand,
those who observe,
who is
less talk,
less gossip,
less fight,
is in relationship.

and shafiq please,
open your eyes big-big
and face the fact!

people nowadays ah,
wear clothes like wear nothing sia.
just now inside train,
this girl,
wear skirt so like fuckingggggg short lah.
i'm like sitting,
and i can see the edge of her butt.
like what the fishcake?
and i'm very sure.
damn sure
she wore g-string.
-.-

and i still can't belive lah,
why i still don't move.
is there anything wrong with me?
am i sick?
do i need any psychiatrist?
do i need psychologist?
god damn it.

i'm bad.
i'm stupid.
i'm idiot.
i'm an asshole.
i'm a loser.
why do i still think when she don't?
fuck me!

attitude like batman nbcb sia.
walao!
miserable lor!

physiolgy of the heart

times are hard when things have got no meaning.
but i found a key upon the floor.
maybe,just maybe,
you and i will not believe in things we find
behind those doors.

i've got alot of this to learn
said,
"i would and i'll be leaving one day before my heart starts to burn.".
but it didn't happened.

i can't bear to see you leave me,
and left me alone in the darkness.
but if you leaving,
will you take me with you?
i'm tired leaving in this darkness.
no lights to brighten up the darkness upon me,
when you left me all alone.

those pictures,
dimmed these light in me,
slowly.
it really hurts when i come to think about the past.
our conversation,
our msg,
your smiles,
your sadness,
your sympathy,
make me smile.
every single day,
i know there is someone who thinks about me.
who waits for my call,
who wait for my msgs.
but now,
it's just history.
none of that can happen for the second time.
if it do,
i doubt it will gonna be the same.

people say leave,
forget,
but i just don't have the guts to do so.
people say negatively about you,
there am i,
covering up for you.

there is one thing i can never give you,
my heart,
which will never be your home.

compliments which are meant to be good.

the moon fades then it hides itself.
after that comes a moment of darkness.
people thinks,
darkness is nothing more wonderful than darkness.
and it's true that,
there are no stars in singapore.
don't you agree?
but then,
these stars are lights that guide,
and of course,
show us the way.
those who can't see the light,
will lose their path and be gone.
but,
those who can see it,
wonderful.
god gracious.

see,
i still have doubt in myself.
people still doubting me.
i don't know why,
i don't know what,
yet,
there they are,
giving false hope.
am i that bad?
am i that evil?
am i that busted?
those words that people said,
it may look nothing by the looks of me.
but in my heart,
it's like a knife had just pierce through my heart.

i admit,
i feel i am bad.
but why people giving me doubt
when i'm trying to change myself?
the words that they said,
it's like they are the most holy person ever lived in this world.
it's like they are the most perfect ones.
it's like they have no sin in them.
all they do is just giving comments about/to people.

do they think about people's feeling?
don't they use their brain,
that god gave,
to think?
we humans are no close to perfect.
and they think the are?
my oh my.

when you text me,
i ran out of words.
speechless.
like totally.

only god knows how tight i'm in right now.

i'm warning,it's long.don't bother to read.

Cherry Blossom Trees says:
shafiq,take a deep breath first and try to calm down
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
you are not a bad person
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
you arent
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
i know
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
im your friend arent i?

shafiq says:
i have no idea
shafiq says:
maybe you saying this just because you trying to make me feel good
shafiq says:
i do accept you as friend

Cherry Blossom Trees says:
gah,shafiq if u werent my friend i wouldnt be chatting with u
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
i am not saying this just to make u feel better

shafiq says:
if doesn't have to be that way man

Cherry Blossom Trees says:
but im also saying this so that u realise something
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
abt yourslf
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
so shut up and listen

shafiq says:
what about me?

Cherry Blossom Trees says:
shhhhhhh

shafiq says:
alrights

Cherry Blossom Trees says:
ever since i met you,you have constantly made me laugh with ur jokes and stupid sacarsm
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
you care alot abt ppl
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
you are nice to ppl
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
whn im down
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
u give a shit eventho u live so far away
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
u try to hlp me
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
u give me advice
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
this proves tht u are a good person
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
sometimes i tell u
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
u meet some shite ass ppl in life
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
i know how u feel
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
i have been thr done tht
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
i have had no one but myslf
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
i had no friends to talk to but my fucking pillow
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
i had "friends'
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
who call me
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
whn they want to lepak
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
or whn they are bored
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
or whn they need money
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
but were they thr whn i needed them?
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
they wont
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
it taught me to open my eyes to see WHO my real mates were
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
hey i dont give a fuck tht i have only 2 best friends and 1 bf in my life
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
i do consider u as a good friend cos u have been thr tru my ups and dwns
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
and i fucking appreciate it alot
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
if u werent there,i guess i'd keep it to myslf and wont let it out
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
but u were
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
u stood by me
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
u hlped me
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
u made me laugh and smile
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
this proves u are nice
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
so wht if u have friends like tht?
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
this is the time whn u open ur eyes
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
and c
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
tht they arent friends
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
they are just aqquentices
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
idk how to spell it
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
hahhas
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
but thing is shafiq
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
u do have ppl in your life tht appreciate u
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
me for example
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
and yes
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
why are u gg for this typo of bitches?
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
u urslf knw she's using u
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
so stp contactin her
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
u are capble of much better
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
just be strng as u are
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
becos u are one of the few ppl i trust
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
and becos u are a very good soul
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
u will get thru this
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
u will learn frm this
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
shafiq?

shafiq says:
yes?
shafiq says:
god
shafiq says:
i'm like watching tv

Cherry Blossom Trees says:
hahahahas

shafiq says:
you've been typing

Cherry Blossom Trees says:
shafiq i seriousssssssssss la

shafiq says:
i know
shafiq says:
thanks
shafiq says:
:)
shafiq says:
you make me wanna cry

Cherry Blossom Trees says:
hey its good to cry sometimes
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
just be strng k shafiq
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
cos u are

shafiq says:
gees
shafiq says:
i seriously don't expect to give this kind of lecture to me
shafiq says:
honestly,you're the first who gave this long lecture
shafiq says:
i'm touched by your words
shafiq says:
i'm touched by your concern
shafiq says:
thanks my friend
shafiq says:
i owe you
shafiq says:
i'll try to be there when you're in need
shafiq says:
i'll do my best to make you feel better when you're down
shafiq says:
and even
shafiq says:
i'll try to make you feel less muke tak tau malu when you are a muke tak tau malu person
shafiq says:
thanks soooooo much qiss

Cherry Blossom Trees says:
hahhahas
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
i am a pemalu person mind u
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
hahhas
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
and i do care abt u and how u feel cos u r my friend
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
u dont owe me a thing
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
just be happy
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
im good with tht
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
and i too will try to be thr by u whn u need me
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
dude
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
im tired
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
hahhahas
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
goooooooo and get some rest

shafiq says:
you want go sleep?
shafiq says:
i understand

Cherry Blossom Trees says:
and u dont think abt it so much
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
just be strng ok

shafiq says:
and i can see after your long lecture
shafiq says:
you must be tired
shafiq says:
=)

Cherry Blossom Trees says:
hahahahhahas
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
im sry

shafiq says:
nah it's okay

Cherry Blossom Trees says:
but will chat to u anthr time(:

shafiq says:
totally understand
shafiq says:
alrights

Cherry Blossom Trees says:
thanks

shafiq says:
thanks for everything

Cherry Blossom Trees says:
do tckr aite
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
nps

shafiq says:
you too

Cherry Blossom Trees says:
thanks to u too!

shafiq says:
don't dream about me

Cherry Blossom Trees says:
goodnightttttttttttttttt bitch

shafiq says:
nanti sakit demam!

Cherry Blossom Trees says:
and i dont intend to dream of u
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
hahahhas
Cherry Blossom Trees says:
byebye

shafiq says:
bye
shafiq says:
=)


qiss,
i'm sorry if i post this.
i just want people to know that you are worth to be friend with.
and,
it doesn't meet we need lots of friend to stay happy.
and of course,
show them i'm a nice guy.
=))

bad people do still have feelings

well,
it's hard to explain,
it's hard to sustain,
but I'll try if you let me

this doesn't change the way i feel about you
or your place in my life
can't you see I'm suffering here?
a shot of broken heart that is chased with fear?

intentions that were originally pure,
have turned obscure.
seconds into hours.
minutes into years.
yet it's the same feeling that have been through in me.

my heart burns through.
my chest to the floor.
tearing me silently although suddenly.
words and feeling cant hide as i'm still thinking of you.

i tried to see,
i tried to understand,
but it seems no different.
yet,
i have the face the truth,
face the fact.
and i have to move on.

snake and ladder

softly,
we tremble tonight.
picture perfect fading smiles are all that's left in sight.
i said I'd never leave,
and you'll never change,
but i'm still not satisfied with where i'm at in life.

we made plans to grow old.
believe me,
there was truth in all those feeling/love that I told.
lost in a simple game,
snake and ladder.
are we the same people as before this came to light?

am i supposed to be happy?
with all I ever wanted,
it comes with a price.

brain full of vulgarities!

what's wrong with me?
seriously,
i just can't seem to get over her.
fuck!
why?
what's the meaning of this?
oh gees.
this feeling,
so suck!
ugh!
it's getting on my nerves.
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
someone please,
help me.
i can't take this no more.
if only she wants
like how we used to be,
i'll be happiest living creature on this bloody earth.
i don't know what happen to us.
it seems like we just spoof! like that.
no bloody reason
no bloody questions
no bloody answers
and just be gone.
god,
please,
show me the light.

thursday - friday morning
it was suck!
didn't get high as i want it to be.
closed as it wasn't suppose to be.
waste 18 bucks of mine which i can use it to buy 8 packets of NASI LEMAK!
fuck!

today
saturday
suppose to meet diandra
but she ditched me and i just wasted my bloody fucking fare!
fuck!

thursday friday morning
danced.
i saw you yet i keep hold of myself.
even though i get to dance with other girl,
i feel guilty,
i feel bad,
as though i'm cheating myself and you.
but the matter of fact is that,
you the best girl i've dance with.
yes,
i may sound mushy or EVEN SICK
but that's the fact.
you're the best!
not just your dance,
but even your heart.
seeing you reminds me of the past.
:(

tell me where have you been?
i received a text from you.
you blow a kiss
but it just don't feel the same as it used to be.
cause i can feel that you're gone.

i can't bite my tongue forever
while you try to play it cool.
you can hide behind your stories,
but don't take me for a fool even though i look like one.

you look so innocent.
but the guilt in your voice and text gives you away.
how does it feel when i saw someone hold you by your waist while talking,
when you know that i trust you?
Could you be more obscene in my bare eyes?

so don't try to say you're sorry
or try to make it right.
when you just wasting your breath
as it's too late to say so.

=,))

been weeks since i last updated
and it seems like there's no difference in it.
man,
i think i should just close down this blog
and stop blogging.

and and,
where the heck are you man?
ever since you know,
you've been keeping quiet.
did i do anything wrong?
say anything wrong?
ask anything wrong?
if so,
sorry.
if not,
why be-gone?

and oh i so miss her.
does her existance now can make me feel better?