be realistic

people wants to know how i survived.

why i disappeared.

where i've been all this time.

but first,why i tried to kill myself,right?

it's OK.

people do.

they measure themselve againts me.

it's like this line is drawn somewhere in the world and if they never cross it,

they'll never consider throwing themselves off a building or swallowing a bottle of pills

- but if they do,they might.

people figured i crossed my line.

they ask themselves,

"could i ever get as close she did?"

the truth is,

there is no line.

there's only their life,

how they mess it up,

and who is there to save them.

or who isn't.

i'm really pissed.

http://www.goaskyourmothersuckyourballs.com

wth?

plxssx leh hor,

iie tink lub like double cheeseburger lor.

kao bei kao bu.

sibei sian lor.

na bei.

i do mean it.

all my pants are loose.

i think i lost weight.

dammit!

i can no longer take it anymore.

this is not the first time.

it's the third consecutive time i've been through this.

i know people will think i'm obsessed.

but i don't care.

i'm just saying th fact.

stating the face.

i've waited long enough.
and the patience within me have reached to it's limit.
now i really have to go.
go away from the spot.
go away from the world of fantasy.
have to face the reality.
no more wondering,
no more hoping.
but just go.

but,
but,but,
i still don't have the power,
don't have the courage,
don't have the intention,
just to go like that.

i really wish to lead a happy life,

like others do.

but i think i don't have the luck.

i sound really really pathetic.
am i?
i think i am.

something's got to change,things cannot stay the same your mother lah!

she left me hanging from a thread we once swung from together.

i've lick my wound but i can't ever see them getting better.

something's got to change,

things cannot stay the same.

her hair was pressed againts her face,her eyes were red with anger.

enraged by things unsaid and empty beds and bad beaviour.

somthing's got to change,

things cannot stay the same.

the room was silent as i tried so hard to remember.

the way it feels to be alive.

the day that i first met her.

something's got to change,

things cannot stay the same.

my friends make me think someone wonderful,but i can't replace her.

i wake up every morning wishing one more time to face her.

something's got to change,

things cannot stay the same.

so much to love,

so much to learn,

but i won't be there to teach her.

i know i can be close,

but i try my best to reach her.

i'm sorry,i did not mean to make a big fuss about it.

but it's beyond me,i cannot carry the weight of the heavy world,

anymore.

run out of words.

you drain me dry and make me wonder why i'm even here.

this double vision i was seeing is finally clear.

what you are doing is screwing things up inside my head.

you should know better you never listened to a word i said.

clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat.

hoping somebody some,someday will do you like i did.

does it kill?

does it durn?

is it painful to learn?

that it's me that has all the control.

does it thrill?

does it sting?

when you feel what i bring

and you wish that you had me to hold.

when it gets cold outside and you got nobodoy to love.

you'll understand what i mean when i say

there's no way i gonna give up.

and like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dream.

is there anyone out there?

cause it's getting harder to breathe.

do i look like i even bother?

you build me up,

you knock me down.

provoke a smile

and make me frown.

you are the queen of runaround

and you know it's true.

you chew me up

and spit me out.

enjoy the taste

i leave in your mouth.

you look at me,

i look at you.

neither of us know what to do.

immobilized by the thought of you,

paralyzed by the sight of you,

hypnotized by the words you say,

it's not true

but i believe it anyway.

there may not

be another way to your heart.

so i guess i'd better find a new way in.

i shiver when i hear your name.

think about you but it's not the same as how it used to be.

i won't be satisfied till i'm under your skin

but now i feel real sad.

4 lines per paragraph

beauty queen of only sixteen

she had some trouble with herself.

I was always there to help her

but i think she belonged to someone else.

i drove for miles and miles

and wound up at your door.

i've had her so many times

but somehow i want more.

tap on my heart,

knock on my heart.

i want to make her beautiful

i know i tend to get so insecure

it doesn't matter anymore.

i don't mind spending everyday

out on your corner in the pouring rain.

look for the girl with the broken smile,

ask her if she wants to stay awhile

as she will be loved by me.

it's not always rainbows and butterlies.

it's compromise that moves us along.

my heart is full and my door is always open,

she can come anytime she want.

8 letter siol!

do i have a girlfriend?

technically no.

if you be my girlfriend

then i'll make it so.

you'll be my only true lover.

no competition

no other.

is just a thrill of the chase .

i got a feeling i'm winning this race.

i'm getting much closer,

i just need permission so,

but i have doubt about it.

you hope it was you?

yes,

it was you.

you don't mind right?

and you definiely not drifting/fading away?

you made me smile man.

and don't worry,

i forgive you

and thanks for being honest.

i really appreciate it.

WRITE MORE FOR ME OKAY?

THANKS MISSY!

:)

it's no obsessed

there's a thousand words that i could say,

to make you be with me.

oh,seem like you walked away slowly

left me alone.

i remember what you said to me,

you were acting so strange.

and maybe i was too blind to see

that you needed a change.

was it something i said

to make you turn away?

to make you walk out and leave cold.

if i could just find a way

to make it so that you were right here,right now.

i don't wanna make excuses,

won't change the fact that i feel you gonna go.

but if there's something that i could do

won't you please let me know?

the time is passing so slowly now,

guess that's my life without you

and maybe i could change my everyday

but i don't want to.

oh,what will i do

if i can't be with you?

tell me where will i turn to?

where will i be?

now that i feel that we are apart,

am i still in your mind/heart?

why don't you see?

that i need you here with me.

i've been sitting here,

can get you off my mind

i've tried my best to be a man and be strong.

i've drove myself insane

wishing i could touch your face

but the truth remains.

so i'll just hand around

and fine some things to do

to take my mind off missing you

and i know in my heart

you can't say that you don't love me too.

i don't care if she or people out there think

i'm shameless or crazy or self indulging.

i'm just stating the fact and what i felt.

thinking out loud.

i think i saw tears roll down my face.
and it's true.
i guess i deserve it though.
enough said,
enough cried,
i'm done with it.

ok i think i'm too fast

don't hang up.
can't we talk?
what went wrong?
what made you go?
why did we fall apart?
or did you lie from the start?
was it something that i said?
was it something that i did?
now,
i start to feel the distance between us.

stupid!

fuck,
if you don't like me,
fucking tell me straight in the face.
don't have to give that face,
don't have to treat me like that.
i'm human for goodness sake.
i got feeling.
nbcb!

ok get out of my head

everytime when i play the song,It always remind me of her. I dont know why,But it just happen. Nobody know how i feel,When she left me with no reason. And here i am now,Talking about her. come to think of it, it really pissed me off. But theres nothing i can do,can i? i must say,we have more fun moments than sad/angry moment and im glad to see that shes having a happy life without me. I hope she can make me smile like she did but i have doubt she will and maybe it wont happen at all.

ideapad

how would you feel?
if the person you love,
give high hope and in the end,
turn you down.

i've been through that,
and i bloody sumpah!
that the feeling is totally,
extremely suck to the max.

oh yah,
the feeling of regret by leaving someone who you actually love,
is the worst thing that can ever happen to your life.

i don't know why i'm talking about love.
but it just came through my mind.

once i found the treasure,
i'll keep it in a safe.
and lock with different sizes of padlock.
and throw away the key.

today like fuck lah siol!

i heard you lost,
do you know your way around?
if you got a problem,
i can hold you down.
i can be your navigator,
i can be your compass.

all day
staring at ceiling
making friends with shadows on my wall.
all night
hear your voice telling me
that i should get some sleep
because the next day there's something good might happen.

i know,
right now you can't tell
but stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
a different side of me.
i'm not crazy,
i'm not impaired,
i know right now you don't care
but soon enough you gonna think of me.

fuck lah shafiq

on the corner of the main street,
just trying to keep it in line.
you say you wanna move on,
and i give you the time to move on.

and when the visions around you,
bring tears to your eyes
and all that surround you,
are secrets and lies
i'll be your strength,
i'll give you hope,
keeping your faith when it's gone
the one you should call,
was standing here all along.( who else would be standing if it's not me? ;) )

and I will take
you in my arms
and hold you right where you belong (under my armpit i suppose? =D )
till the day my life is through
this I what i promised you

i've fall for you when i first talk with you
in lifetimes before,
i promise you,
will you hurt anymore
i give you my word
i give you my heart
this is a battle i've been trying to win
and with this vow i have,
forever has now begun

this i promise you
and i'll proof to you that guys can be trusted.
including me.
i've made my stance
that i'll try to be there when you're in need.
i'll be your eyes,
i'll be your ears.

fine lor if i childish!
if i childish,
don't talk to me lah you!
i sulk uh!
you everytime cheat my feelings want.
walao!
:(

go fuck yourself

you claim that he's your bf?
so what?
DO I LOOK LIKE I EVEN BOTHER TO YOU?
DO I?
just fuck off!
trying to make me jealous?
too bad too sad,
i don't.
not even a bit ok!
i know you read my blog every single day.
i know you talk about me when you with your close friends.
i know you cry about me last night.
don't tell me i'm making up stories.
i got reliable source.
so don't bother to correct me.
after what you have done to me,
you think i'm going to change my mind?
by doing that,
you think i'm going to change my mind?
no way.
no way.
i've found one,
and i hope she realise it.
and for you?
just shut the hell up,
and fuck yourself!

no second one ah

dear shafiq,

i'm sure,
you don't want it to happen for the second time right?
so,
don't give yourself too much hope.
just be cool,
be calm,
be steady.
you've done this once,
an i'm sure you can do again for the second.
just brave yourself,
and swallow your saliva when you think it's hard to say it.

yours truly,
from yourself,
shafiq.

stand by me,can?

i've been losing my mind,
i've been living a lie.
i've been running away so long.
i try to put on a face and cover my heart,
it seems i can't and i'm needing it now so bad.

i can't explain what's happened to me.
i feel like i'm right and wrong.
inside,
everything upside down,
everything spinning around
and it's freaking me out.

i've looked for love in all places,
but never found someone just like you.
someone whose smile makes me feel i'm holding back
and there's nothing i can't do.

whoa,
now look where we are?
you're in my heart
and i hope there's no escaping it for you.

i don't know how i feel,
maybe i'm mad?
maybe i'm proud?
can't find the truth,
can't speak my mind.
i don't know what i'll say.

9 sia!

monday i'll be a living zombie.
that's that.

when the day turns green.

do you know what's worth fighting for?
when it's not worth dying for?
does it takes your breath away and you feel yourself suffocating?
does the pain weigh out the pride?
and you look for a place to hide?

when your mind breaks the spirit of your soul,
your faith walks on broken glass and the hangover doesn't pass,
nothing's ever built to last,
you're in ruins.

when it's time to live and die
and you can't get another try,
something inside this heart has died.

HAHA -.-'

do i have the permission to love you?