BRB.

sick,
un-recovered.
update soon.
and i feel like closing down blog for the don't know how many times.
it's like dead.

eye's hurt
back's hurt
throat's hurt
neck's hurt
everything's hurt
wtf shafiq

first thing first,
i'm sorry.
i feel like i'm the third party.
if i am,
i'm really sorry.
seriously serious yes serious sorry.

second,
what's wrong with me again?
been hallucinating.
i don't know what i'm hallucinating about
but just hallucinate.
and i'm so bored.
when school start?

and i can't believe i'm taking the nursing course.
all nurse(s) drink?
party?
smoke?
i think i'm the only one.
and how can a nurse have the urge to take pills?
how stupid can this nurse be?
gosh.
i'm getting evil-er.

hahahahahahaha
what's wrong with me?
i suppose to feel sick and down
but i just act normal.
walau.
oasis!
i want to go to their concert for to peck kong sake man!
walauwei
someone who's kind enough treat me lei
i financial assistance hor.
-.-

and it's been a week or two,
i last work.
nbcb you know this kind of people.
people want work,
they give to the MIC.
people don't want to work,
call us and work.
stupid management!

and yes,
no specific reason
just go?
:(

eyes,
mouth,
ears,
they can't tell lies.
can they?
but our mind and heart,
do.
and i saw what i saw.
i've made a promise to myself
no more party for me
how pathetic can i be?

two parties in a week?
gees.
influencing my cousin be a bad girl?
oh my.
what's happening to me?
why am i doing this thing where i know it's bad?

it may be fun,
but it also destroy my inner self bit by bit without me realising it.
is this what life meant to be?
enjoy and enjoy
and forgetting the suffer?

does she really mean what she said?
her words,
i felt so real.
but is it real enough for me to believe it?
i can easily believe it,
but what if it's all a lie?
isn't it gonna be hurtful to me
if were to fall on her so called 'trap' for the second time?
seriously,
i have doubt about it.

in the end of the day,
one shall stand and one shall fall.
and i'm the one who's always fall
even though i always think i'll stand.
god's will.
and i have to accept
with no regret
but with sad feeling i'm not suppose to have.

being honest

seriously,
to think of it really makes me dumb.
but at the same time,
i have the feeling that i made some mistake?

i don't care if you think i'm crazy or shameless or self-indulging.
i'm just stating the fact and what i felt.
but i just can't get over you.
the feeling of tendency and love,
just can't seem to move on.

i would love to start anew and try to loose this feeling of mine towards you.
but i just simply can't.
the day you say you love me.
it felt so real.
and i,
being so stupid,
fell for it and feel the same towards you.
but no regrets.

how i wish,
if i could just kept rewinding that day
and say that i love you too.
but sadly,
i can't.

i,
as an ordinary human being just like others,
born with thins thing called,
feeling,
was heart broken with those words you've said.
it's like i had just failed,
being a a guy.
i lost.

and thanks for my beloved asshole,
she has given me inspiration,couragement
and show me the right path where i suppose to be.

is there anyway for me to get out of this situation as quickly as possible?

on my way to work,
approached by a guy.
at first,
i thought he's just asking basic question.
but then,
the question kept repeating and repeating.
found out
he's autism.
how i found out?
his uncle told me.
-.-
like no?
he wore a lanyard
stating
"I HAVE AUTISM".
everyone eyes on me and him.
as though i'm his friend or something.
at that point of time,
i'm sooooooo freaked out.
at that point of time
my hair was like at the highest level lor.
but the saddest thing is that,
why in the blue,green world with moon and sun and human on it is he alone?

logically logic

how many people can make you feel rare and special?
some say little.
some say none.
but to me,
everybody can.
you think so?

it doesn't have to be
smart or dumb,
pretty or ugly
rich or poor.
when it comes to love,
heart is the key.

and,
is there really such thing as,
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?

seeing students wearing uniform,
reminds me of my secondary life.
it shows how much i miss school
yet,
some says
"how i wish i end school early"
to think of it,
it's merely stupid for them to say.
and not to forget,
seeing them study at mac's,
reminds me how i studied.
the day where i'll be having social studies for n-level,
group of friends and me went mac
and studied.
but then,
gambling.
and for them to say,
"i hate to study"
they are just plain blind.
how i wished,
my life surrounded by books and teachers for me to study and asked question.

saw this secondary school couple just now.
the guy read her diary
and the girl just kept quiet and doing her ownstuffs.
isn't diary suppose to be personal?

rating : NC 16

out of words
out of my mind
out of everything
sick and tired
staying at home for almost a week.
geesus crisis!

in the past,
a kiss on the cheek would be the real deal.
time past,
french kiss
or famously known as SL( i don't know why they called it that for)
would be the deal
and not kiss on the cheek.
and now,
those two i just mentioned above,
is no longer a big deal.
now,
the real deal,
sex.
indeed,
it looks fun to our bare eyes.
but the consequences will be a big fun too.
short of money as you can't control your lust?
inflated balloon will do.
cheap cheap.
and no expiry date.
totally no money?
just stuff a small piece of paper,act as a cork,at the small hole
to prevent it from ejaculating.

and this feeling.
starting to linger again.
oh god
:S

memories kept rewinding.
thanks to mother of JT,
you made me having mood swings
or to be exact emolicious.
but your existance,
make me feel better.
thanks suckaa!
your comfort and courage still make me ease like how i used to be uh.
and your sweet talk,
super fluent.
thinking about our nostalgic moments,
it is funny,
it is sweet.
and i can laugh when i think about it.
especially when we quarreled.
how stupid we can be.
quarreled over small things.
and i have no regrets be with you.
your love for me,
your care for me,
simply outstanding.
if your-soon-to-be-yours happen to read this,
i'm sorry.
but she's simply awesome.
and you!
JT's mother,
keep in touch yeah?
i'm proud to know you.

"malay mother + caucasion father = racist daughter"
"show me the meaning of being horny"
=)

it seems so long ago you walked away
and left me alone.
i remember what you said to me.
you were acting so strange.
and maybe I was too blind to see
that you needed time to change.
i don't wanna make excuses.
it won't change the fact that you're gone.

but if there's something that I could do,
can you please let me know?
the time is passing so slowly now,
guess that's my life without you?
and maybe i could change my every day routine
but I don't want to as it's hard to be changed.

what will I do
if I can't be with you?
tell me where will I turn to with?
where will I be now that we are apart?
am I still in your heart?
why don't you see?
that i need you here with me.

and i've been sitting here
can't get you off my mind.
i've tried my best to be a man and be strong.
but i Drove myself insane,
wishing I could touch your face
but the truth remains.

i'll be happy you come.
and i will grab that chance if i had once again.
and for now,
i'm really sure.
no cross fingers.

chances came once,
and had the chance
but didn't take it seriously.
should have grabbed,
but didn't.
serve me right.
asshole to the very deep.

some asked,
what's so important having a family?
what's family?
these question really shows their stupidity.
how can they be in this world when they have no parents?
didn't use their brain.
the purpose of it?
for display.
geees.
just found out.
family equals to,
father and mother i love you.
-.-

and i'm thinking,
why is it easy to say 'i love you' to your bf/gf but not your parents?
i seldom here/see people saying i love you to their parents through sms/phone.
but to bf/gf,
the 'i love you' sooooooo countless.
is money needed to say 'i love you' to parents?

life goes on as it never ends.
eyes of stone observe the trends.
guilty roads to an endless love.
there's no control,
are you gonna be with me now?


there's nowhere to run
as i have no place to go
to surrender my heart, body, and soul.
how can it be
when you're asking me
to feel the things you never show.

is this the feeling that I need to walk with?
tell me why i can't be there where you are?
there's something missing in my heart.

minus the one's that i've showed.
i admit that i was greedy.
leave just for the sake of others.
but now,
get to know you.
you the something that been missing in my heart.

and now,
i know what it feels when i'm being leave.
do i need the perfect tone to say that i love you?
do i need the perfect cute/handsome face to say i love you?
if you do,
then there's nothing can be done.

after so long,
found out she has a baby.
she was banged.
5 barbarians to be exact.
one of it(they not human being),
creampied.
it her fault too though.
drunkard.
thank god.
she found someone who can accept her life.














daughter of adam chua,
happen to read this?
good.
i respect you.
your patience.
simply too awesome for me to admire.
share some of your patience with me?
and i'll sponsor JT's diapers for 1 full year.
ok?
=)

who is she?
my mother.
=)

the thing about love,
is i never saw it coming.
you kind of crept up
and took me by surprise.
and now there's a voice inside my heart that got me wondering
is this true?
i want to hear it one more time
can?

the thing about you
is you know just how to get me.
you talk about us
like there's no end in sight
and the the thing about me is that
i really wanna let you open the door with my master key and walk into my life.

and it feels like it's the first time
that anybody ever brought the sun without the rain.
and never in my whole life
have i heard words as beautiful as when you say my name.

move in a little closer?
take it to a whisper
and get just a litter louder.
it's like the whole world stops rotating
juat to listen when you tell me you miss me.
say it again one more time?

=)

out since 1230.
house to woodlands to lavender back to woodlands to sembawang then back home.
$7+ for my fare today?
wtf
why must i use adult fare?
fuck.
my fault too
-.-

raining everywhere.
wish i was Storm.
control weather?
tsk.
it shows i'm bored.
real bored.
what i'm saying doesn't make any sense.
:S

sembawang,
staring at fries,
wondering,
am i bad?

sometimes i wish,
what if i can just turn back time?
will i be happy if i don't repeat my mistakes?
will my present life be like this if i don't repeat my mistakes?
will it be better?
will it be worset?
at the same point of time,
what if i can just see my future?
will i have good future ahead?
will i be sitting down along streets,begging for money?
this is,
temptation.
ego-ness.
live your life.
don't make this bad habit get the control of your life.
i regret.

haha
woke up late
went out
and on my way home an hour after i reached.
wtf?
super bored to the max lah.
asking people to go out with.
busy with their stuffs
and i?
keep persuading people.

wanted to catch movie alone.
raining don't allow me to.
went to sister's place.
then went back home.
then to brother's place.
a couple block aways from my sister's place
-.-
adult fare,
grrr!

yesterday,
went dinner.
the waitress,
super cute to the maximum limitssssss.
not one,
not two,
but three.
served us,
my eyes not on the food.
but them.
my knee's like jelly.
my finger's like melted candles.
my heart's like *dak duk dak duk*
ok wtf.
it's normal.
guys can take their eyes off on girls.
even they attached,
they won't.
it's natural.
same goes to girl.
don't say you girls don't.
lick your own elbow if you do.

:D