i havent got a clue

now i feel really lonely and i would love someone to ask me for 'play-play' date every thrice a week and the rest of my life if possible and then eventually from the 'play-play' liking will then be converted to the real,deep,intense, love.but then it wont happen because i know that i'm not capable of doing that and i know that i dont have the charisma to do that.i dont know why,but today,all a sudden,this feeling shot right through my body and i feeeeeeeel soooooo weak and sad and hopeless.