no comma no fullstop no question mark no exclaimination mark

i think i just don't deserve love as i don't know what is the meaning of love anymore i feel like taking a knife and just stab myself on my head and die on the spot fuck me why most of my friends especially my secondary school friends in relationship but not me what they have but i dont do i look like a idiot who suck my own dick am i just being obsessed about it or is it the real fact that im facing now im paranoid about it seriously the more i wait the more i look like an idiot whos hoping to have snow in singapore dammit the more i tell myself that im going to forget that particular someone the more my feeling grew for her dammit i just dont know why this thing keep happening to me when my friend have problems in relationship they ask me what should they do and here i am give advices as if im in relationship but the reality is that i dont and i dont know why i can give those advices to them am i retarded am i cursed if not why can i give those kind of advices that really makes sense and its like the total side of me sometimes when i give those advices i feel weird of myself i seriously cannot take this anymore its a burden to me all this while god please show me the path that i always hoped and prayed for